Reconciliation is a process that takes time, patience, and effort, especially when you want to forgive a cheat.
Forgiveness is not a one-time decision. It isn’t something you do just once and then forget about it.
Instead, forgiveness is a process that requires self-reflection, introspection, and understanding of the situation.
If you’re trying to decide if you should forgive your partner for cheating on you, then here are 12 vital questions to ask yourself before making that decision:
Read Also: Emotional Cheating & 10 Consequences You Need to Know
12 Vital Questions to Ask Before You Forgive a Cheat
1. Has It Happened Before?
This is a question that you should ask a cheater if you want to know whether they have ever cheated on you before.
You must know the answer to this question because if they have been unfaithful before. If they have cheated before now, they will likely do it again.
You need to be sure about what you want in your relationship and if you are willing to accept the fact that your partner will cheat on you again or not.
2. What Made Them Cheat?
You need to know why your partner cheated so that you can avoid similar mistakes in the future.
If there was something wrong with the relationship or there were problems with communication between the two of you.
It is possible that these issues can be resolved with time, patience, and effort.
You can change things around so that cheating does not happen again in the future.
However, if there is nothing wrong with your relationship, it might be difficult for both of you to enter into any relationship in the future.
3. Will They Ever Cheat Again?
This is a question you must ask before you forgive. If your partner was unfaithful, this does not mean they will do the same thing again.
However, if they have cheated in the past and promised never to do it again, then you need to know if there is any chance they may do it again.
This question is because if someone cheats once and promises never to do it again. It does not mean they will keep their word.
They may be telling the truth when they say it will not happen again, but there is no guarantee of this.
You need to know if your partner can change their ways or if they are set in their ways.
4. Do You Love the New Person?
This is a big question to ask, but it’s important. they’re likely in love with their lover and not with you anymore. Even if they say they still love you, this could be true – but it could also be a lie.
If they say they love the new person, ask if they still have feelings for you too, if they do, then this will make things more complicated and might mean that there’s no going back for your relationship.
5. Are They Still in Contact With the Person?
If your partner has been unfaithful, chances are they’ve continued seeing their lover behind your back even though they’ve promised to stop seeing them altogether.
This is bad news because it means that although your partner may not be having sex with them anymore (or at least not as much), the emotional connection is still there.
So there’s potential for more cheating to occur in the future.
You need to ask them if they are going to continue talking or hanging out with their ex-lover so you can either move on from this terrible experience or dissolve the relationship.
Read Also: 17 Emotional Questions To Ask A Cheating Partner
6. Were They Happier During the Period of Cheating?
If they say “yes,” then it’s clear they are much better off without you around making their life miserable. And this is something you need to know before deciding whether or not to forgive them.
7. Can You Promise It Won’t Happen Again?
This is the question that will decide whether or not you can forgive the cheater.
You need to know that the cheater has genuinely learned from their mistakes, and they have no intention of repeating them in the future.
If they say “I’m sorry” but then give you excuses for why they did what they did, then you should take this as a sign that things aren’t going to get better soon.
If the cheater is willing to take full responsibility for their actions, and if they are willing to make up for them by changing their behavior, you should consider forgiving them.
But if they continue to make excuses, don’t expect to get anywhere with this relationship.
8. Do You Have a Plan for Our Relationship Moving Forward?
If your partner cannot articulate a plan for how to move forward as a couple, then it is unlikely that your relationship can be salvaged.
This is one of the most important questions to ask a cheater because it shows that they understand what needs to be done moving forward and has taken steps towards making things right again with you and your family.
9. How Long Has It Been Going On?
You need to know how long the affair has been going on and if they are in love with the person they cheated with.
Being in an affair can lead to feelings of love and longing that can easily cloud your judgment and make you think things will be different this time.
If the affair has been going on for years, then you may want to consider what other lies they have told you about their past relationships.
10. How Many Times Have You Cheated On Me?
The more times someone has cheated, the less likely they will change their ways. The longer someone has been cheating, the more likely they will continue to cheat.
11. Did You Use Protection?
This is the most important question of all. If you find out that your partner did not use protection while cheating on you, they were risking your health and that of their other sexual partner.
To forgive a cheat without knowing this information would be dangerous and irresponsible.
12. Who Else Knows About the Affair
Relationships are mostly centered on two parties; external factors like family and friends play a huge role.
You need to know if he told someone about the affair or if they found out and enabled him by keeping it a secret.
If this relationship is to be salvaged, your partner must be cut off from the enablers. You need to know people around him can be trusted.
Read Also: 12 Best Ways to Find Out if He’s Cheating On You
Final Thoughts
While it is never easy to forgive a cheater, it is sometimes necessary to move on.
If you find yourself in this position, make sure you ask yourself these 12 vital questions before deciding whether or not to forgive your partner.
By reflecting on what happened and what you want for your future, you can make the best decision for yourself and begin healing from this difficult experience.
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