When your boyfriend has a pattern of searching for his exes on Instagram, you can’t help but wonder why?
At first, you brushed it off as curiosity or boredom, but now it’s just plain annoying. As human beings, we all have a natural curiosity about our exes.
Social media makes it incredibly easy to stay updated on former partners’ lives with just the click of a button.
However, constantly checking an ex’s profile can signify unfinished emotional business.
Keep reading to discover your boo’s intentions with this type of behavior.
Why Does My Boyfriend Keep Searching His Exes on Instagram?
Here are some potential reasons why your boyfriend keep searching through his exes Instagram:
1. He’s Not Fully Over The Relationship
This one may be hard to swallow, but it’s a possibility you have to consider. If your boyfriend habitually creeps his ex’s page, he could still be clinging to feelings or loose ends from that past relationship.
Seeing her pictures and activities lets him stay connected to her and their time together.
L lingering attachment to an ex can complicate things even if he cares about you. You deserve to be with someone fully emotionally available and committed to you.
Unless he’s willing to cut the digital cord, the shadow of his ex may continue looming over your relationship.
2. He’s Looking For Closure
Another explanation could be that he seeks closure. Viewing her curated social media life could provide reassurance if their breakup was sudden, messy, or lacking resolution.
He may want to see that she’s doing well so he can restate that chapter. However, trying to get closure from an ex’s Instagram is avoidance. Real closure must come from within or from a conversation with the person.
Stalking their photos won’t lead to the inner peace he seeks. Explain that working through lingering feelings directly is better than letting them fester and destroy your relationship.
3. He Compares Your Lives
Sometimes, a boyfriend may frequently check his ex’s Instagram to see how her life compares to yours.
Looking at her jet-setting posts and friend pics provide a benchmark for where she’s at versus where you two are.
But this comparison game breeds jealousy, resentment, and insecurity in relationships. Remind him that your lives and relationship are unique.
Try a social media detox together for a month to reset your perspective. When focused solely on one another, outside appearances won’t matter.
4. He’s Not Over The Breakup
For some guys, the wound of a breakup scabs over but doesn’t completely heal. Viewing an ex’s Instagram opens it right back up again.
Even years later, seeing she’s thriving without him can sting a bruised ego. Checking her page masochistically reopens the hurt so he can wallow.
This breed of self-torture is unhealthy. He needs to practice accepting the relationship’s end and redirecting his energy inward.
Rather than harping on what went wrong, have deeper conversations on how you two can go right. Lifting him up will help dash her from his mind.
5. He Wants To Cause Jealousy
In toxic relationships, some exes intentionally try making each other jealous for ego strokes or payback.
If your guy suspects his ex is watching his account, he may vengefully look through her pics now and then. The intent is to make her ponder who he’s dating now.
This motive is extremely unhealthy and reeks of game-playing. Make it clear you don’t feel comfortable being used as a pawn.
A meaningful relationship shouldn’t involve juvenile attempts at one-upmanship with exes. Have a frank talk about both deactivating accounts if need be.
6. He’s Keeping Backup Options Open
The most painful possibility is that your boyfriend keeps tabs on his exes as potential backups.
By staying in their orbits online, he keeps connections warm if he wants to pursue them again. This distrustful behavior signals he’s keeping one foot out the door.
Don’t settle for being some consolation prize or second-string player. You deserve a wholehearted commitment from someone loyal to you alone.
Demand the respect of either closing that chapter for good or you walking away. If he hems and haws, he’s already shown you how little he values this relationship.
How To Handle The Situation
If the above scenarios resonate with why your boyfriend keep searching on the Instagram page of his exes, you’re likely feeling hurt, angry, insecure, and confused.
Reaching a constructive resolution requires vulnerability, patience, and cooperation. Here are some tips on addressing it with him:
1. Clarify How It Makes You Feel
First, articulate your feelings using “I” statements. Explain how seeing his obsession with her Instagram makes you feel unappreciated, disrespected, threatened, etc.
He’ll better understand your origin by focusing on your emotions rather than accusations. Tone down any knee-jerk urges to attack or blame.
2. Listen To His Reasons
Next, give him space to express his motivations without getting defensive. Actively listening and seeing things from his perspective will lower walls.
If fear or jealousy did play a role, assure him empathetically. Refrain from downplaying his rationale, even if it sounds irrational to you.
3. Discuss Healthier Ways To Move Forward
Once you’ve both aired grievances, explore solutions. What real-life issues could be causing him to fixate on the past? Couples counseling can facilitate this.
Set boundaries, like taking an Instagram hiatus, until trust rebuilds. Reinforce that you don’t feel safe continuing without closure here.
4. Consider If The Relationship Is Right
Reflect deeply on whether this relationship provides the satisfaction and security you deserve. Living under the ever-present shadow of an ex often becomes exhausting.
You may have to walk away if multiple sincere talks don’t stick. As heartbreaking as that would be, prolonging the pain would be worse. You come first.
5. Don’t Make Ultimatums Lightly
Throwing down a “her or me” gauntlet may feel powerful in heated moments. But be cautious about taking this rigid step too hastily.
Rebuilding faith after breaches like this can take time. If positive changes unfold, be willing to accept he may genuinely need more of it.
6. Know Change Must Come From Within
While you can suggest more constructive outlets, know he has to be the one fully committed to dropping this detrimental habit.
Whether that means therapy, taking space alone, or truly blocking that account – the will has to come from within. Encourage him sweetly but also stand firm in what you need.
Keeping communication compassionate yet candid gives your relationship the best chance of overcoming this hurdle.
But the solution will require patience, courage, and care. If he still refuses to budge or invalidates how much this hurts, deeper incompatibilities may lay beneath the surface.
When It’s Time To Walk Away
Hopefully, open conversations will uncover that your boyfriend’s lingering interest in his ex’s Instagram is just a thoughtless habit.
With self-work and agreed boundaries, he can direct his attention fully to you and your life together.
However, if he remains stuck on her, you may have to walk, as painful as that is. Consider leaving if:
- He refuses to ever remove or block his ex at your request.
- He lies or hides his Instagram activity from you.
- He blames you for “overreacting” or prioritizing his ex’s feelings.
- Insightful talks end up going in frustrating circles.
- The relationship feels lifeless, insecure, and joyless.
- You recognize deep down he’s unready or unwilling to truly commit to you the way you want.
At that heart-wrenching point, staying would only disrespect yourself and prolong the inevitable.
Although it feels defeatist, leaving is honoring yourself and finding the mutually fulfilling relationship you deserve.
Walk forward with your head held high and hope for the happier chapters yet to come!
Seeing your boyfriend stuck on his ex’s Instagram can stir up complicated feelings. But avoid going into attack mode right off the bat.
Have a vulnerable discussion on what each of you is thinking and needing. However, if mutual understanding is unattainable, know this is his problem – not one you should put up with forever.
You are worthy of undivided love and commitment. Never compromise on that!
Explore more articles on elizegan.com for further help navigating different relationship challenges.
And remember – you deserve to feel wanted, significant, and cherished by a partner who eagerly chooses you first each day.
Don’t lose hope until you find that happiness!
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