You’ve just made a surprising and unsettling discovery – your boyfriend has a dating app on his phone.
This immediately raises questions and doubts about his faithfulness, honesty and commitment to you and the relationship.
Finding out your partner is still using dating apps can be very painful and destabilizing. You may feel confused, insecure and unsure of what to do next.
Although discovering this was likely very hurtful, try not to make rash decisions. Slow down, take deep breaths, and look at the full context before reacting.
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Why Does My Boyfriend Have A Dating App?
There could be a few reasons your boyfriend still has a dating app on his phone. Before spiralling into worst-case scenarios, it’s essential to communicate with him, hear his side and collect all the facts before making assumptions.
Here are some possibilities to consider:
1. He Forgot to Delete It
One of the most innocent and benign explanations is that he forgot to delete the dating app from his phone when you became exclusive.
Especially if you didn’t have a direct conversation about deleting dating apps when you entered a relationship, he may have just left it on his phone without a second thought.
Many people download and delete dating apps intermittently when single, so he may think of them like any other app he doesn’t use regularly.
It’s possible the app got buried in one of his folders, and he forgot it was still on his phone when he started seeing you.
Bring this up calmly as a possibility to see if this lapse of memory explains it.
2. He Likes the Ego Boost
Unfortunately, some people enjoy the attention and ego boost they get from match notifications, flirty messages or profile views on dating apps, even if they have no intention to date those people.
The thrill of feeling desirable by strangers online can become addictive for some. He may have kept the app to feed his ego without planning to pursue anything further.
This reason still constitutes a form of emotional cheating and is problematic. However, cheating driven by ego differs from a desire for physical intimacy with others. Try to get to the root of the issue if this seems to be his motive.
3. He’s Keeping His Options Open
A disconcerting reason could be that he wants to keep his options open if your relationship doesn’t work out.
Maintaining a dating app presence gives him an easy way to start talking to and meeting new girls.
This suggests he has one foot out the door and is not fully committed to a future with you. Even if he has no immediate plans to cheat, the fact that he’s securing backup options is a bad sign.
Tell him you feel uncomfortable about this and want to understand why he doesn’t seem all in.
4. He’s Looking to Cheat
Of course, the worst-case scenario is that he is actively looking to hook up with or date other women behind you.
Being on a dating app makes it easy to flirt with women, coordinate secret meetups and cover his tracks later on.
If he shows other signs of cheating – frequent secrecy with his phone, staying out late without explanation, decreased intimacy with you – this could sadly be the reason.
If you suspect he’s using dating apps to cheat actively, you have a severe issue on your hand that needs to be directly addressed.
5. He Has a Compulsive Addiction
Some people develop a compulsive addiction to dating apps and the constant supply of attention, validation and novelty they provide.
The addiction to this dopamine hit can be so strong that they cannot stop swiping, chatting and collecting matches, even if they are in a happy relationship.
This compulsion is a symptom of deeper personal issues like depression, loneliness, insecurity or commitment fears.
If you think this describes his behavior, try to dig deeper into what emotional voids the apps might be filling so you can address the root causes together.
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What to Do if Your Boyfriend Has a Dating App
While it may be painful and upsetting to learn your boyfriend still has a dating app on his phone, avoid making assumptions about his motivations and intentions without a calm and honest conversation.
Listen to his reasons without judgment, share how it made you feel, and try to understand why he has maintained access to the app.
Some additional tips for dealing with this situation:
- Tell him directly you found the app and are hurt but want to understand why it’s still there. Listen first.
- If his reasons seem benign, set boundaries about deleting it and what you consider emotional cheating.
- If he admits more serious motives, clarify that this needs to be discussed before moving forward.
- If he gets very defensive or angry, that’s a red flag about open communication in the relationship.
- Decide whether this is a forgivable lapse in judgment vs. evidence of deeper issues to re-evaluate seriously.
- Reflect on your feelings and behaviors in the relationship, too – are you fully committed and invested?
- Seek couples counseling if you want to work through this issue constructively.
Discovering a dating app on your partner’s phone is very destabilizing. But avoid making permanent decisions while in an emotional state.
Get more information, hear each other out and try to understand the bigger context before deciding if this is a dealbreaker.
With openness, empathy and professional support if needed, it is possible to rebuild trust after this discovery.
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Final Thoughts
Finding out your partner still has access to dating apps can be troubling and emotionally painful. Feeling jealous, sad and confused when confronted with this is completely understandable.
But try your best to respond calmly and constructively, leading to an honest dialogue about what’s happening. Avoid making rash assumptions without facts.
With compassionate listening, boundaries and counseling, working through this breach of trust is sometimes possible.
However, if you determine his reasons show a deeper lack of commitment or deception that you can’t accept, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Trust your intuition. You deserve a partner as loyal, respectful and committed to you as you are to them.
Explore more articles about relationships, trust issues and infidelity on elizegan.com to get a fuller perspective and advice.
There are always professionals available if you need guidance navigating a betrayal in your relationship. You have support and options to heal.
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