20 Reasons You Keep Dreaming About Your Ex You Don’t Talk To Anymore

If you’ve found yourself dreaming about your ex and woke up feeling unsettled, there are many reasons for such an occurrence.

First, note that it’s normal to dream about past relationships, even ones that didn’t end well.

Our subconscious minds are trying to work through emotions and make sense of the past.

In this post, I’ll share 20 common reasons why you may still be dreaming about an ex you no longer talk to.

Read Also: Unrequited Love: How to Get Over Unanswered Feelings

20 Reasons You Keep Dreaming About Your Ex

20 Reasons You Keep Dreaming About Your Ex You Don't Talk To Anymore

Often people attribute only spiritual meaning to dreaming about their exes. However, there are several reasons why you may see your ex in dreams, they include:

1. Unfinished Business

Often, relationships don’t end cleanly with a definitive conclusion. There may be lingering feelings of resentment, confusion, or regret that your mind is trying to process.

Dreams are a way for your subconscious to play out alternative scenarios and resolutions.

If you felt your relationship abruptly ended before you got a chance for proper closure, unfinished business could be fueling dreams.

2. Attachment Emotions

Love isn’t something you can just switch off overnight. Even after a breakup, it’s normal to still feel attached to your ex on an emotional level.

Your subconscious may be working through attachment emotions like grief, longing, or sadness through dreams.

It takes time to fully detach and heal from a relationship, so residual attachment feelings could manifest in your dreams.

3. Guilt or Blame

Do you struggle with feelings of guilt or blame over how the relationship ended? Perhaps you dumped your ex or regret how you treated them.

Your dreams may be a way to mentally revisit and process feelings of guilt, and remorse, or to assign blame.

The subconscious wants resolution, so working through guilt emotions at night could explain recurring dreams about your ex.

4. Unmet Needs

Relationships satisfy important emotional needs within us like companionship, intimacy, or security. When a relationship ends, those underlying needs are left unfulfilled.

Your dreams may be filling that void on a subconscious level by placing your ex in that role again.

Unmet needs from past relationships could trigger dreams as a way to fulfill or replay satisfying those needs.

5. Lack of Closure

Did your relationship simply fizzle out without a clear talk and agreement to end things? An abrupt breakup without closure leaves many questions unanswered.

Your mind may be trying to imagine alternative closure scenarios through dreams.

A Lack of solid discussion to end the relationship officially could fuel recurring dreams about your ex.

6. Current Life Parallels

Do you notice certain current life events or stressors that seem to trigger dreams about your ex?

Perhaps you’re going through a challenging time that parallels what you and your ex experienced together.

This could prompt dreams where your mind inserts your ex into your current context as a way to process or problem-solve the situation. Listen for any real-life connections to discern triggers.

7. Unresolved Feelings

Identifying and processing all emotions tied to a breakup, both positive and negative, is key to moving on.

But it’s easy to shelve or suppress certain feelings we’re not ready to face. These unresolved feelings will often leak out subconsciously through our dreams as the mind seeks resolution.

Take time to reflect on any emotions about your ex you may not have come to terms with yet.

8. Comparing Current Partner

Our minds naturally compare the present to the past. If you’ve entered a new relationship, your subconscious may be evaluating your current partner against your ex through dreams.

This mental comparison could highlight qualities or experiences from your past relationship that feel lacking now. Be mindful not to get stuck comparing – each relationship is unique.

9. Social Media Reminders

Continually seeing your ex active and moving on via social media can trigger rumination. Their posts may spark memories, and curiosities about their new life, or reignite feelings of loss.

All of this feeds directly into subconscious thought patterns that can stir up dreams. Unfollowing or limiting social media exposure to your ex can help minimize dream triggers.

10. Self-Esteem Issues

Did low self-esteem issues play a role in your past relationship or breakup? Dreams may be uncovering lingering core beliefs like unworthiness or fear of abandonment.

The subconscious may insert your ex to represent those fears or self-doubt patterns. Use dreams as a window to self-reflect on core esteem issues that need strengthening.

11. Fantasy versus Reality

It’s normal after a breakup to ruminate over nostalgic “what ifs” and memories of the good times. But the past was never perfect – there were reasons the relationship ended.

Dreams may depict an idealized fantasy version of your ex and relationship that glosses over flaws and realities. Recognize dreams represent fantasy, not grounded truths.

12. Wishful Thinking

Breakups stir up many “if only” and hopes of reunion that were never fully resolved. Your dreams could depict wishful scenarios of getting back together or revisiting happy memories.

While normal, it’s important not to mistake dreams for realistic possibilities or opportunities. Dreams show longing desires, but won’t alter relationship realities.

13. Suppressed Anger

Has unexpressed anger from the end of your relationship festered below the surface? Suppressing anger is unhealthy and it will find an outlet, often in dreams.

Your mind may replay scenarios giving you a chance to voice anger, make accusations, or demand explanations as it works through suppressed emotions. Don’t be afraid to feel and process anger constructively.

14. Regret Over Decision

Do you struggle with second-guessing your choice to end the relationship or pass up a reunion opportunity?

Dreams could depict “what if” scenarios where you reverse or change your past decision. It’s normal to feel regret but don’t let it prevent moving forward in reality.

Your decision was right for that time based on what you knew – don’t obsess over hypothetical alternatives.

Read Also: 35 Tempting Ways to Make a Guy Want You & Dream of Being With You

15. Trauma Remnants

Did your relationship involve any traumatic or abusive aspects that left deep scars?

Post-traumatic stress often surfaces in dreams as the mind unconsciously processes and heals from trauma.

Dreams may revisit traumatic memories, fears, or feelings of helplessness through symbolism involving your ex. Seek help from a counselor to fully heal lingering trauma effects.

16. Mix Feelings About New Love

If you’ve started dating again, conflicting feelings of excitement and trepidation are understandable.

Your dreams may pull from both past and present by integrating your ex into new relationship dreams.

This shows the mind struggling with your new feelings as you shift between comparing the past and present while also venturing toward the unknowns of a new future.

17. Psychological Condition

Certain conditions like PTSD, anxiety, or depression are strongly linked to increased dream recall and disruptive/recurring dreams.

Psychological issues that predate your relationship could manifest through dreams placing your ex in emotionally charged scenarios.

Speak to a counselor about any underlying mental health factors that require support.

18. Birthday/Anniversary Triggers

Certain calendar dates hold specific emotional importance and memory triggers connected to your relationship.

Dreaming of your ex around anniversary dates, birthdays or holidays you previously celebrated together is understandable.

Your mind may be processing feelings evoked by symbolic dates as the past/present collide.

19. Fears of Intimacy

Did intimacy or vulnerability issues within yourself predate or arise from your past relationship?

Dreams involving your ex could represent unresolved fears of closeness, abandonment, or loss of independence.

The dream functions to work through intimate attachment insecurities through a metaphoric scenario. Gain insight by exploring intimacy fears.

20. Unconscious Connections

Occasionally, dreams go deeper by tapping into meaning through symbolism on a more spiritual/intuitive level.

Pay attention to synchronous details in dreams, as there may be messages revealed about unconscious lessons that still need to be addressed regarding yourself, your ex, or even a future relationship.

Stay open-minded to the big-picture perspectives dreams offer.


What Do Recurring Dreams of an Ex Mean?

Recurring dreams suggest the relationship or its ending touched upon deep, core issues that require further introspection and processing.

The mind keeps revisiting themes in dreams to work toward resolution.

How Long After a Breakup Do Dreams About Your Ex Last?

There’s no set timeline, but most people report dreams about their ex lessen in frequency between 6-18 months post-breakup as attachment emotions continue to detach over time.

Dreaming of an ex years later usually signifies unresolved wounds requiring closure.

What Should I Do if Dreaming About My Ex Upsets Me?

Don’t be too hard on yourself – it’s a normal part of healing. However, being proactive can help shift dream patterns faster.

Process resurfaced feelings in a journal. Limit social media/contact. Practice daily gratitude to cultivate positivity.

Remind yourself daily that you’re in control of your future, not the past. Seek counseling if needed.

Is It Possible to Have Sex Dreams About an Ex?

Yes, sexual dreams are very common as the subconscious processes intimacy, desires, fantasies, and unresolved physical/emotional connections from the relationship.

Don’t read too much into the content – sex dreams don’t necessarily reflect wanting to reunite. Reflect on the emotions behind it instead.

Can Dreaming About an Ex Impact Current Relationships?

Potentially yes, if unresolved feelings for an ex are left unaddressed, it could negatively impact present relationships.

Recurring dreams about your ex may show one’s not fully detached or healed and ready to love again. New partners can also pick up on ambivalence caused by still being hung up on a past flame.

Read Also: How to Get Over Your Ex in 10 Simple Ways

Final Thought

Dreaming of an ex you no longer talk to is a normal part of processing relationship endings on a subconscious level.

Our dreams reveal underlying emotional work that still needs to be addressed and resolved.

The most constructive approach is to mindfully reflect on dream themes, triggers, and any insights into lingering wounds.

Pursue closure through journaling, counseling, or support groups to find psychological separation.

With a dedication to self-awareness and healing, your dreams about your ex eventually fade as former attachments naturally weaken without further nourishing.

Stay patient through what can feel like a long inner journey. Trust that with each gained insight and released attachment, you grow closer to fully accepting and honoring the past in service of an empowered future.

Dreams guide us to the next right step – listen well and keep walking forward.

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