Narcissists are people who are self-centered and use others for their gain. They are skilled at manipulating those around them, including their partners. If you find yourself in an affair with a narcissist, you might feel trapped and
Narcissists often deceive everyone they interact with. They may say or do things to make you believe they care, but their true intention is always about meeting their own needs.
Whether it’s a romantic affair, a casual encounter, or even a family relationship, narcissists manipulate people to keep themselves satisfied.
They are experts at playing mind games and twisting reality.
Read Also: 12 Signs of a Narcissistic Relationship and How to Avoid Them
How Does a Narcissist Manipulate You Into an Affair
A narcissist can manipulate you into an affair using several tactics.
Here’s how they might do it:
1. Love Bombing
At the start of the relationship, the narcissist showers you with intense affection, compliments, and attention. They make you feel incredibly special and loved.
This overwhelming attention creates a strong emotional bond and makes you feel valued.
The narcissist uses this bond to lure you into an affair by making you believe it’s a unique and meaningful connection.
2. Playing on Your Vulnerabilities
The narcissist identifies and exploits your emotional needs or insecurities. They may target you if you’re feeling neglected or unloved in your current relationship.
By understanding and appealing to your vulnerabilities, the narcissist makes you more receptive to their advances. They promise to fulfill the needs that you feel are missing in your life.
3. Creating a False Sense of Intimacy
The narcissist fosters a deep sense of emotional and sometimes even physical intimacy quickly.
They might share personal stories, confide in you, and create an illusion of closeness.
This false sense of intimacy makes you feel that the relationship with the narcissist is something truly special and meaningful, encouraging you to engage in an affair.
4. Gaslighting
The narcissist may distort the truth or make you doubt your perception of reality.
They might lie about their relationship status or make you feel that their marriage is ending or that they’re in an open relationship.
By confusing you about their true situation and intentions, the narcissist lowers your defenses and makes you more likely to believe that an affair is acceptable or even necessary.
5. Future-Faking
The narcissist promises a future with you, often painting a picture of a perfect life together.
They might talk about their plans, dreams, or the wonderful future you’ll have as a couple.
These promises give you hope and encourage you to invest emotionally in the affair, making it harder for you to see their manipulative behavior for what it is.
6. Using Guilt and Blame
The narcissist might make you feel guilty for their current relationship problems or blame you for their dissatisfaction.
They could claim that their marriage is failing because of issues they attribute to you.
By shifting the blame and making you feel responsible for their unhappiness, the narcissist manipulates you into engaging in the affair as a form of ‘rescue’ or validation.
7. Flipping the Script
When you start noticing their manipulative behavior, the narcissist might accuse you of being the problem or of being too sensitive.
They might make you feel like you’re overreacting or misinterpreting their actions.
This tactic confuses you and makes you question your judgment, making it easier for them to continue the affair while you’re caught up in trying to understand their confusing behavior.
Signs of a Narcissistic Partner
If you’re wondering whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner, here are some common signs to watch for:
1. Always Thinks They’re the Best
A narcissist believes they are superior to everyone else. They often boast about their achievements, skills, or looks.
They might constantly talk about how wonderful they are and expect you to praise them. If they don’t get the attention they want, they can get upset or angry.
They don’t care about your needs or feelings. For example, if you’re having a hard day, they might dismiss your feelings and focus on their problems instead.
They believe they deserve all the admiration and attention, and they won’t be happy until they get it.
2. Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings
Narcissists struggle to understand or care about how others feel. If you’re upset or hurt, they might make fun of your emotions or pretend they don’t matter.
They often focus only on their own needs and desires. They might use manipulative tactics, like pretending to care just to get something from you.
For example, if you’re sad about something, they might ignore you or belittle your feelings to keep the focus on themselves.
This lack of empathy can make you feel unimportant and unheard.
3. Uses Tricks to Get What They Want
Narcissists are skilled at manipulation. They might use charm, flattery, or deceit to get what they want from you.
They can lie or twist the truth to make you doubt yourself and what’s really happening. This can make you feel confused and unsure about the relationship.
For example, they might say things like, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re imagining things” when you question their behavior.
This manipulation can make you feel like you’re the problem, not them.
4. Feels Like They Deserve Special Treatment
Narcissists believe they should always be given special treatment and privileges. They expect to be treated better than others and get upset if things don’t go their way.
For example, they might expect you to drop everything for them, get frustrated if they don’t get the best seat in a restaurant, or demand extra attention at family events.
Read Also: 150+ Quotes About Narcissists
They think they are more important and deserve more than anyone else, so they react negatively when they don’t receive the special treatment they believe they’re entitled to.
5. Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
Narcissists often put you down to make themselves look better. They might criticize your appearance, decisions, or abilities, making you feel like you’re not good enough.
This constant belittling can damage your self-esteem and make you doubt your worth.
For instance, they might say things like, “You’re always messing things up” or “No one else would put up with you.”
Their harsh words can make you feel anxious, sad, and insecure, causing emotional pain and confusion about your value.
6. Controls Everything
Narcissists like to be in control and make all the decisions. They might use guilt, manipulation, or intimidation to get their way.
For example, they could insist on choosing where you go or what you do, and if you disagree, they might accuse you of not caring about them or threaten to leave.
They don’t respect your boundaries and try to make you rely on them for everything.
This controlling behavior keeps you under their influence and makes it difficult for you to make your own choices or feel independent.
How to Escape a Narcissistic Affair
To escape a narcissistic affair and start healing, follow these steps:
1. Stop All Contact
Completely cut off communication with the narcissist. This means blocking their phone number, email, and social media accounts so they can’t reach you. Avoid places where you might run into them.
This helps to stop their influence over you and allows you to begin the healing process without their interference.
2. Remove Reminders
Clear out anything that reminds you of the narcissist. This includes photos, letters, gifts, or anything else connected to them.
Getting rid of these reminders can help you let go of the past and make it easier to move forward.
It also helps to reduce the chances of being triggered by memories or feelings related to the narcissist.
3. Focus on Yourself
Spend time taking care of your own needs and well-being. Prioritize activities that make you feel good and rebuild your confidence.
Surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive and understanding.
Engaging in hobbies, exercising, or practicing mindfulness can help you regain your sense of self and happiness.
4. Seek Professional Help
Consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with guidance and support to understand what happened in the relationship and help you heal.
Therapy can offer a safe space to explore your feelings, build coping strategies, and work through any emotional pain or confusion.
It can be especially helpful if you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem as a result of the affair.
How Does It Feel to Have an Affair With a Narcissist
In a typical relationship with a narcissist, their manipulative behavior affects many aspects of the relationship, here is how the victim feels:
1. Deception and Betrayal
An affair with a narcissist involves deeper deceit. The narcissist might convince you that their marriage is over or that they are in an open relationship.
They may charm you and make you believe that the affair is special, only to later reveal their true nature.
2. Emotional Manipulation
The narcissist’s manipulation goes beyond typical controlling behavior. They might make you feel that the affair is a unique and valuable experience, only to devalue and discard you when it suits them.
This can make the betrayal feel even more intense.
3. Self-Betrayal
Engaging in an affair with a narcissist often leads to personal moral conflict.
You might break your principles or values, only to be mistreated and discarded by the narcissist, which can leave you feeling deeply betrayed and confused.
4. Emotional Rollercoaster
The affair often starts with intense charm and affection, which can feel like a gift after feeling neglected in your marriage.
But as the narcissist pulls away and devalues you, the emotional impact can be even more devastating.
Read Also: 20 Signs a Guy Is Using You
Final Thoughts
An affair with a narcissist is often marked by deeper levels of deception and emotional manipulation
If you are in this kind of situation, it’s important to trust your own feelings and instincts.
Don’t believe everything the narcissist says, as their words are designed to confuse and control you. Remember that you are worth more than how they treat you.
Their compliments and apologies are often just tools to keep you under their influence.
Remember, breaking free from a narcissist can be tough, but it’s crucial for your happiness and peace of mind. You deserve a relationship where you are valued and respected.
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