How to Get to Know a Guy: 20 Full-Proof Tips

Dating and getting to know someone can feel like a long audition or interview for a future relationship.

It’s a time to learn about each other and see if the effort you both are putting in is worth it. If things are going well, you keep going.

If not, then it’s time to have a conversation about whether or not to continue.

When we think about getting to know a guy, it’s not just about the date itself. It’s about figuring out who he truly is, beyond the first impression.

He might be trying to show his best self, but how do you know if that’s the real him?

If you’re wondering how to get to know a guy without putting too much pressure on the situation, you’re in the right place.

You don’t even have to date him to get to know him better. It’s about feeling things out at your own pace.

Read Also: 20 Signs a Guy Is Using You

How to Get to Know a Guy

Here are some ways to help you understand him better before deciding whether he’s right for you.

1. Find Him Online

Before even meeting him, you can do a little research. Check if he has a social media presence or a blog. These can show a lot about what kind of person he is and what he enjoys.

His posts and the people he follows can give you clues about his hobbies and thoughts.

For example, if he follows certain accounts or shares certain types of content, you can learn about his sense of humor or what he’s passionate about.

But remember, social media often shows the best parts of someone’s life, so take everything with a grain of salt.

2. Ask Around

If you have common friends, casually ask about him. You can learn a lot from what others say about him without directly asking him.

Be discreet in your conversations, as you don’t want it to get back to him that you’re investigating him.

This step can help you find out if he’s generally a kind and respectful person or if there are any red flags you should know about.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Once you meet him, ask questions that let him open up. Instead of simple yes or no questions, ask him about his favorite childhood memories, what he likes about his job, or what he’s passionate about.

These kinds of questions encourage deeper conversations and help you understand his personality better.

Listen carefully to his responses and follow up with more questions based on what he says.

This shows that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know him.

You can ask these during your conversations or over text to see how well the two of you match.

Where are you from?
Are you close to your parents?
Do you have siblings?
What do you do for a living?
What are some major goals you have for the future?
Do you prefer outdoor or indoor activities?
Would you ever go skydiving or bungee jumping?
Do you want to get married or have a family?
What is your biggest accomplishment?
Do you like talking about politics?
Are you a religious person?
Do you like parties?
What’s the longest relationship you’ve been in?
Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?
Why did your last relationship end?

4. Discuss Interests and Passions

Finding common interests is a great way to connect. Ask him about his favorite books, music, or hobbies. Sharing interests can spark engaging conversations and help you bond.

If he’s passionate about something, he’ll likely light up when talking about it, and this can give you a glimpse of his true self.

5. Engage in Shared Activities

If you want to spend more time together in a relaxed setting, consider doing activities with mutual friends or joining group outings.

This allows you to see how he behaves in a group and how he interacts with others. You could also suggest casual meet-ups like grabbing coffee or lunch.

These low-pressure environments help you focus on the conversation without the expectations that come with formal dating.

6. Observe His Manners and Behavior

Pay attention to how he behaves during your interactions. Does he treat you and others with respect? Does he listen to you and show interest in what you’re saying?

Good manners can tell you a lot about a person’s character. If he’s kind, respectful, and considerate, those are great signs.

But if he’s rude, uses bad language, or doesn’t pay attention, these could be warning signs.

7. Notice How He Talks About Others

The way a guy talks about his friends, family, or even strangers can reveal a lot about his personality.

If he speaks kindly about others and shows empathy, it’s a good sign he’s thoughtful.

But if he’s constantly negative or complains about people behind their backs, it might be a red flag that he lacks respect for others.

8. Watch His Body Language

Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to his body language when he’s with you.

Is he comfortable and relaxed? Does he make eye contact and smile often? These are good signs that he’s interested and comfortable around you.

On the other hand, if he seems distant or uninterested, it might mean he’s not as invested in getting to know you.

9. Be Honest and Clear About What You Want

From the beginning, be honest with him about your intentions. If you just want to get to know him better before deciding anything, let him know.

If he’s understanding and agrees, that’s a good sign. But if he’s pushy or refuses, it may show he’s not the right guy for you.

You deserve someone who respects your pace and is willing to take the time to build a connection.

10. How His Friends Treat Him

One of the easiest ways to see what kind of person he is is by observing how his friends treat him. Are they respectful, or do they often make fun of him in a way that feels a bit harsh?

If his friends don’t respect him, it might mean that people don’t take him seriously.

On the other hand, if his friends speak highly of him or treat him with respect, it shows he is well-regarded and trustworthy.

10. Has His Interest in You Faded?

After the first date, does he still show the same level of interest, or has his attitude changed?

If he suddenly starts behaving rudely or dismissively, it’s a sign that he might have been pretending during the initial meeting.

A guy who stays consistent in how he treats you shows that he’s genuine.

11. How He Acts Around Women Friends

Pay close attention to how he behaves around other women. Is he flirty or touchy-feely with them?

While it might seem charming at first, it could become a source of insecurity if he forgets about you when other women are around.

Make sure he knows how to respect boundaries when it comes to other female friends.

12. Does He Get Offended Easily?

If he gets upset over small things, especially in public, it could mean he has deeper issues or is used to getting everything he wants.

A guy who takes offense easily might be difficult to handle in the long run. It’s important to recognize this early on so you don’t end up with someone who constantly overreacts to minor things.

13. Is He Involved with Someone Else?

Sometimes, it can be hard to know if a guy is already in another relationship. He could be seeing someone in a different city or might even be married or have kids.

Be mindful of any suspicious signs, like secretive behavior, and take the time to find out if he’s really available.

14. Does He Have a Temper?

In the early stages, many guys try to show their best side. But, over time, you may notice signs of anger or frustration.

If he has a short temper, even with other people, this could be a warning sign. Anger problems tend to get worse, not better, so it’s important to address them early on.

15. Watch for Red Flags

There are many red flags you need to keep an eye on if you want to know whether he’s really someone worth your time.

At the start of a relationship, people often put on their best behavior, but they can’t keep it up forever.

Small things like not offering to pay for a meal or showing selfish tendencies can be signs that he’s not the right guy for you.

16. Do His Words and Actions Match?

Actions speak louder than words. If he says one thing but does something completely different, this is a clear sign that something is off.

For instance, if he claims to be a gentleman but never holds doors open for you or expects you to always pay, his actions don’t match his words.

Always pay attention to what he does, not just what he says.

17. Is He Consistent?

Consistency is key in any relationship. If he’s texting you constantly one week and then suddenly disappears the next, this is a sign that he might not be reliable.

You want someone who is steady in his actions and doesn’t leave you guessing about how he feels.

18. Address His Flaws

Nobody is perfect, but if there’s something about him that bothers you, it’s best to bring it up.

Whether it’s shyness, avoidance of certain topics, or another issue, having open conversations can help you understand him better.

If he’s not willing to talk about his flaws or avoids certain questions, that might be a sign that he’s hiding something.

19. Plan Fun Activities Together

Another great way to get to know a guy is by doing fun activities together. Here are a few ideas:

Try something new, like an escape room or a cooking class.
Attend local events, such as festivals or sports games.
Go for walks in the park or visit a museum.

These activities not only help you spend time together but also give you a chance to see how he behaves in different situations.

20. Be Yourself

Lastly, always be yourself. It’s important to be authentic and let your true personality shine through.

Building a friendship first can lead to a deeper, more meaningful relationship later on.

If things don’t work out, that’s okay too. Getting to know someone better is a way to find out if they are right for you—and if they aren’t, it’s better to discover that sooner rather than later.

FAQs: How to Get to Know a Guy

How Do I Show Him That I Like Him Without Being Straightforward?

It’s important to be confident and take the initiative. You don’t need to be too bold, but you can start by saying “hi” and getting to know him better.

Ask questions about his interests, and spend time together. If you’re comfortable, suggest going out for coffee.

Instead of waiting for him to notice, show him through your actions that you’re interested in him. It’s okay to make the first move—this is the 21st century!

How Do I Make Him Want More Than Just a Friends-With-Benefits Relationship?

You can’t force someone to want more. If you want a serious relationship, be honest about your feelings and let him know. If he doesn’t want the same, it might be time to start dating other people.

Friends with benefits is not an exclusive relationship, so don’t settle for less than you want. Find someone who wants to commit and build a real romantic bond with you.

Is It Okay for a Girl to Tell a Guy She Likes Him?

Yes, it’s completely fine for a girl to tell a guy she likes him. If you admire his qualities—such as his honesty, integrity, and wisdom—express your feelings.

It’s important to be open about how you feel when you get to know someone better. Relationships are built on honesty, so it’s okay to let him know that you’re interested.

Early in the Relationship, How Do I Ask a Guy How He Feels About Me?

It’s best to be direct and ask him about your relationship. You can say something like, “What’s going on with us?

We’ve been hanging out for a while, and I’d like to know if you see this going anywhere.”

This helps you avoid wasting time if he’s not serious. If he’s not giving you the attention you want, consider looking for someone who values and treats you the way you deserve.

What Are Some Signs That a Guy Likes Me Back?

Pay attention to how he behaves around you. Does he make an effort to spend time with you? Is he consistent in his communication and actions?

If he’s respectful and interested in getting to know you, these are good signs that he likes you too.

Also, watch how he treats others—if he’s kind and respectful to people like waiters or friends, it shows his good character.

What Kind of Questions Should I Ask to Get to Know Him Better?

Here are some great questions to ask:

Where are you from?
Are you close to your family?
What do you do for a living?
What are your goals for the future?
Do you like outdoor or indoor activities?
What’s your biggest accomplishment?
These questions can help you understand his background, personality, and future plans.

How Do I Know if We’re Compatible?

Ask questions that reveal more about his personality and lifestyle.

For example, find out if he’s an introvert or extrovert, if he likes going to parties, or if he’s interested in getting married someday.

Pay attention to how he answers and see if your values and interests align.

Compatibility is key to a successful relationship, so it’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page.

How Can I Plan Fun Activities to Get to Know Him Better?

Suggest trying new activities together like visiting an escape room, taking a cooking class, or going to a local festival.

Shared experiences can help you bond and create lasting memories. Activities like these also take the pressure off a constant conversation and allow you to enjoy each other’s company naturally.

What Should I Do if I Realize He’s Not the Right Guy for Me?

It’s okay if, after getting to know him better, you decide he’s not the right person for you. This is a normal part of dating.

Be honest and kindly tell him how you feel. If you do like him, then plan another date and continue building the relationship.

Dating helps you discover what you want and don’t want, so don’t be afraid to move on if things don’t feel right.

How Can I Tell if a Guy Is Hiding Something or Not Being Honest?

Watch for red flags like inconsistency in his actions and words. If he says one thing but does another, this could be a sign he’s not being honest.

Also, pay attention to whether he avoids certain topics or seems secretive about his past. Trust your instincts, and don’t ignore warning signs.

Final Thought

Getting to know a guy is not always easy, but with these tips, you can better understand who he is before jumping into a serious relationship.

Pay attention to the way he talks, acts, and treats others. Be open with your questions, engage in meaningful conversations, and observe his behavior.

Remember, it’s important to take your time and make sure you’re comfortable every step of the way. Trust your instincts, and you’ll be able to figure out if he’s the right person for you.

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