In a relationship, hearing your partner discuss exciting future plans—like taking grand vacations, buying a house, or always supporting you—can make you feel loved and hopeful.
But if your partner is a narcissist, these promises might be empty. When it’s time to act on those plans, you might only get excuses, such as “It’s not the right time” or “Let’s wait until we have more money.”
They might even shift to new, bigger promises that never come true. This behavior is known as future faking, and it’s a common tactic used by narcissists to keep you emotionally hooked while manipulating you.
Read Also: 20 Signs a Guy Is Using You
What is Future Faking
Future faking happens when someone makes big promises about the future to get what they want from you now.
They might promise to call you later but never do, or say they’ll take you on a vacation but never make plans.
It’s all about making you believe in a future that they never intend to create.
For example, they will say something along the lines of:
- We’re meant to be together.
- I’m never going to leave you.
- Which eye color do you think our kids would have?
- Have you ever thought about moving to the country?
- I was looking at houses the other day, I saw one I think you’ll really like.
- Hey babe, what do you think about this ring?
- I never thought about marriage before I met you.
- I’m looking for a better job, I need to be able to support both of us and our future kids.
How Narcissists Use Future Faking
Future faking involves making promises about the future to manipulate someone into staying in a relationship or situation.
Here are some clear signs that someone might be future faking:
1. Grand Promises with No Action
They talk a lot about exciting future plans together like trips, marriage, or big purchases but take no steps to make these plans a reality.
Example: Promising a lavish vacation but never booking any travel arrangements.
They make it sound like a perfect plan. Over time, they make excuses like “We need more money” or “It’s not the right time,”
2. Frequent Excuses
When asked about progress on their promises, they have excuses like “It’s not the right time” or “We’ll do it later.”
Example: Promising to save for a house but always saying they need more time or money.
3. Shifting Goalposts
They keep changing the timelines or details of their promises, making it seem like the plans are just around the corner but never materialize.
Example: Changing the date for a promised event multiple times without any real progress.
4. Overly Idealistic Promises
They make very optimistic or idealistic promises about the future that seem unrealistic or exaggerated.
Read Also: 12 Signs of a Narcissistic Relationship and How to Avoid Them
Claiming they’ll give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of, like a perfect house, children, and a perfect life, without making any practical steps toward it.
5. Flattery and Reassurance
They use flattery and emotional appeals to make you feel special and secure about their promises.
Telling you how you’re the only person they want to spend their life with while not making any concrete plans.
6. Avoidance of Current Issues
They use promises about the future to deflect from current problems or criticisms.
When confronted about their lack of commitment, they change the subject to future plans and how things will be better later.
7. Inconsistent Behavior
Their actions don’t match their words. They may say one thing about the future but behave in ways that contradict those promises.
Promising to be more present and supportive but continuing to be unreliable and distant.
8. Manipulative Tactics
They may use your desire for the future to manipulate you into doing things for them or tolerating unacceptable behavior.
Using promises of a future commitment to justify their current lack of effort or respect.
9. Emotional Highs and Lows
They create emotional highs with grand promises and then cause frustration and disappointment when those promises are not fulfilled.
Exciting discussions about future plans are followed by periods of silence or excuses when it’s time to act.
10. Lack of Concrete Steps
There are no real actions or steps taken toward making the promised future a reality.
Constantly talking about saving for a future goal but never actually putting aside any money or making any plans.
Why Narcissists Use Future Faking
Narcissists use future faking to control you. They know how to tap into your dreams and desires. By promising a great future, they keep you invested and complacent.
They don’t plan to follow through, but they use these promises to:
1. To Keep You Hooked
Narcissists promise a wonderful future together—like vacations, marriage, or big achievements—to make you stay invested in the relationship or situation.
They want to maintain control over you and keep you emotionally attached, so you’re less likely to leave or challenge them.
2. To Avoid Current Responsibilities
They use promises about the future to divert attention from current issues or failures.
By focusing on future promises, they avoid dealing with problems in the present, such as their lack of commitment or responsibility.
3. To Manipulate Your Emotions
Narcissists play on your dreams and desires, making you believe that a perfect future is possible if you just hang on.
This emotional manipulation makes you more likely to accept their behavior and stay in the relationship, even when it’s harmful.
4. To Control and Dominate
They keep you waiting and hoping for something that never comes, which gives them a sense of power over you.
They enjoy the control and the ability to manipulate you into being compliant and dependent on their promises.
5. To Feed Their Ego
Narcissists thrive on attention and validation. By making grand promises, they can bask in the admiration and hope they inspire in others.
It boosts their self-esteem and provides immediate gratification, as they enjoy being seen as desirable and important.
6. To Avoid Facing Their Failings
By creating an illusion of a bright future, they deflect attention from their shortcomings or failures.
This tactic helps them avoid accountability and maintain a façade of being capable and ideal.
What to Do If You Suspect Future Faking
If you suspect future faking:
1. Ask Questions
Ask for specific details about their plans. Find out what steps they are taking to make their promises real.
Example: If they promised a vacation, ask about travel dates, bookings, and how they plan to pay for it. Follow up to see if they make progress.
2. Observe Actions
Pay attention to what they do, not just what they say. Actions often show more than words.
If they say they will start a new project but haven’t made any moves towards it, this could be a sign they aren’t serious.
3. Set Boundaries
Protect yourself from being let down. Don’t get too invested in promises that might not come true.
If they keep making promises without follow-through, limit your emotional and financial involvement in their plans.
Read Also: How to Know if a Man Is Just Playing With Your Heart
Final Thoughts
Understanding future faking is key to recognizing how narcissists manipulate others.
Narcissists, with their need for admiration and lack of empathy, often use future faking to control and exploit you by making promises they never intend to keep.
By being aware of this tactic, you can better protect yourself and make informed decisions about your relationship.
Recognizing the signs of future faking helps you see through the illusions and avoid falling victim to manipulative behavior.
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