Discovering that your boyfriend call you his “property” can be a distressing and confusing experience.
Such language raises questions about the dynamics within your relationship and can leave you uncertain about its health and mutual respect.
Understanding why your boyfriend uses this possessive term is crucial to addressing potential issues and setting clear boundaries for a healthy and respectful partnership.
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Why Does My Boyfriend Call Me His Property?
If your boyfriend like to call you his property, here are 10 possible reasons and solutions:
1. He Has Controlling Tendencies
Some men desire complete control in a relationship. A boyfriend who views you as his property likely wants to dominate the relationship. He may make all the decisions without considering your preferences.
He may also try limiting contact with your family and friends. This controlling behavior stems from possessiveness and insecurity. It will only get worse over time if allowed to continue.
Solution
Have an honest conversation explaining that the “property” references are demeaning and unacceptable.
Do not let him brush it off. Clarify that you are equals in the relationship and both are entitled to autonomy. If he cannot respect boundaries, consider ending things. You deserve better.
2. He Is Insecurely Attached
Your boyfriend may struggle with an insecure attachment style rooted in childhood. Anxiety makes him cling extra tight to feel safe, even if it crosses boundaries.
He may have abandonment issues and fear you leaving. Calling you his property reflects this insecurity.
Solution
Gently suggest he gets counseling to work through attachment issues. Reassure him of your commitment, but affirm you are still individuals.
Boost his confidence by encouraging his interests outside the relationship. As he becomes more secure, he should gain perspective and drop the possessive language.
3. He Wants to Feel Powerful
Sadly, some men view controlling and dominating women as affirming their power or manhood.
Your boyfriend may have been socialized with toxic beliefs about gender roles and feel entitled to treat you as his subordinate. Referring to you as his property fuels this twisted ego boost.
Solution
Make it clear you reject notions of male superiority or gendered power imbalances in relationships.
If he is unwilling to adopt more enlightened attitudes, leave him. Do not enable entitlement or sexist mindsets. You deserve equality with a feminist partner.
4. He Has Unresolved Psychological Issues
Trauma, misogyny, narcissism, or other psychological problems could manifest in possessive behavior. Your boyfriend may have deeper issues distorting his perspectives.
Calling you his property reveals he does not view you as a complete human being.
Solution
Require he gets professional mental health treatment. You cannot fix these issues yourself.
A therapist can help him unpack toxic thought patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Make treatment non-negotiable if he wants the relationship to work.
5. He Has Jealousy Issues
Jealousy and possessiveness often go hand-in-hand. Your boyfriend may frequently worry about other men desiring you.
Calling you his property reflects these intense fears of losing you to someone else. His jealousy fuels compulsive controlling behaviors.
Solution
Affirm your commitment but make clear his jealousy seems irrational. Seek counseling together to uncover the roots of his jealousy and learn tools to rebuild trust.
He needs to take responsibility for managing his emotions. You cannot “fix” it by submitting to his control.
6. He Does Not Respect Your Boundaries
Some men ignore clear relationship boundaries and feel entitled to treat women however they please.
Your boyfriend may have misogynistic tendencies and simply refuse to respect your autonomy. Calling you his property reveals a blatant disregard for your boundaries.
Solution
Be very direct that you find this language unacceptable, and he needs to stop immediately. If he ignores your clearly stated boundaries, he does not truly respect you.
Do not remain in a relationship with someone who refuses to respect your boundaries.
7. He Has Outdated Perspectives on Gender Roles
Traditional patriarchal attitudes teach that women are subordinate to men.
Your boyfriend may hold antiquated perspectives on gender stemming from his upbringing, culture, or social influences. Calling you his property reflects these outdated views.
Read Also: Why Does My Boyfriend Doubt Our Relationship?
Solution
Have an open discussion challenging those old limitations on gender roles. Make clear that you view each other as true equals and expect to be treated accordingly.
If he remains stuck in sexist paradigms, reevaluate the relationship. Do not settle for anything less than full respect.
8. He Does Not Realize It Bothers You
Sometimes, a boyfriend may casually refer to his partner as his “property” without understanding the implications.
He may view it as harmless slang and be oblivious that it bothers you. His intentions may be more naïve than malicious.
Solution
Have a conversation explaining calmly why this language is demeaning. Make your feelings clear.
He will likely apologize and stop the behavior once he understands your perspective. An open dialogue can resolve the issue if he respects you.
9. He Wants to Signal You Are “Off the Market”
Some men use possessive references to tell other guys you are unavailable.
Your boyfriend may call you his property around male friends to convey you are “off the market.” While his intentions may not be terrible, it is still dehumanizing.
Solution
Tell him firmly you will not be objectified, even if he feels it sends some kind of message to other men.
Suggest more respectful ways to acknowledge you are in a committed relationship. If he cannot honor your request, further action may be warranted.
10. He Considers You Intellectually Inferior
At the most extreme end, a boyfriend may genuinely see women as less intelligent and inferior to men.
Calling you his property may signal he does not respect your intellect or abilities. This deep-seated misogyny views women as objects, not equals.
Solution
Make it clear these attitudes are completely intolerable, and you will not stay in a relationship with someone who does not see you as a capable equal.
Offer him an opportunity to change, but be ready to walk away. You deserve respect from a partner who admires your intellect.
Read Also: Why Does My Boyfriend Spend More Time with His Family Than Me?
Final Thoughts
If your boyfriend refers to you as his property, do not shrug it off – take it seriously. This language reflects troubling attitudes you cannot ignore.
Have an open and honest dialogue to change the dynamic. If he cannot treat you as an autonomous equal after clear communication, reconsider the relationship.
You deserve fulfilling love with someone who respects you completely. Never settle for anything less.
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