How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before Getting Too Involved

The world can be a tough place, and unfortunately, danger is everywhere. This danger isn’t just about risky situations or major events but also includes dangerous people.

Starting a new relationship can be exciting but also a little scary, especially when you’re meeting someone for the first time.

It’s completely normal to feel nervous about new guys, especially if you’re unsure what warning signs to watch out for.

If you ever find yourself wondering, “Is he dangerous?” keep reading to learn about the signs of a dangerous man.

These behaviors are usually red flags that signal a toxic or abusive relationship.

How to Spot a Dangerous Man

Sandra L. Brown’s bestselling book, How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved, encourages women to create a personalized “Do Not Date” list based on their experiences to avoid repeating harmful patterns in future relationships.

Knowing how to spot a dangerous man is very important for your safety and well-being because dangerous men don’t just affect you—they can also put your family and friends at risk.

If you have had trouble in past relationships, you might be more likely to attract or be attracted to a dangerous person.

Knowing the signs of a dangerous man can help you avoid falling into another harmful relationship;

1. Controlling Behavior

Dangerous men often need to control everything around them. They might make all the decisions, and control what you wear, eat, or do.

They might act jealous, and possessive, and try to isolate you from your friends and family.

For example, he might order for you at a restaurant without asking what you want.

A controlling man may also show his need for power in less obvious ways, like having a large collection of weapons or subscribing to military magazines.

2. Inflated Sense of Importance

Some men think they are better than everyone else. They might expect special treatment and believe they deserve only the best.

For example, a narcissistic man might think that meeting at a regular bar is too lowly for him. If he wants to be treated like a god and you feel pressured to do so, it’s a red flag.

3. Constant Need for Praise

Men who need constant praise can be dangerous. They might always want to hear how great they are.

If you find yourself frequently answering questions like, “Don’t you think I’m amazing?” and feel pressured to boost his ego, this is a sign of narcissism.

4. Looking Down on Others

A dangerous man might look down on others. He could make negative comments about people who are different from him or who don’t have the same status.

This behavior shows a lack of respect and empathy, which are important in a healthy relationship.

5. Clingy Behavior

Some men are extremely clingy and needy. They may expect you to spend all your time with them and not respect your need for personal space.

This can be emotionally and physically draining. They might label themselves as victims and demand constant attention and care.

6. Mental Illness

Men with mental illnesses or personality disorders can be dangerous. While having a mental illness does not make someone dangerous, certain disorders can lead to harmful behavior.

Conditions like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), and borderline personality disorder, can sometimes lead to violent behavior when the person is not receiving treatment.

Brown argues that men with pathological or personality disorders are often dangerous and unlikely to change.

7. Addiction

Men with addiction problems, whether it’s drugs, alcohol, gambling, or other substances, can be dangerous.

Their addiction can cause instability and harmful behavior in the relationship.

If he struggles with substance abuse or other addictions, it’s a significant red flag.

8. Immaturity

Immature men expect their partners to care for them as if they were children.

They might not take responsibility for their actions and often seek forgiveness for unacceptable behavior.

Being with someone emotionally immature can be mentally and physically exhausting.

9. Hidden Life

Some men hide important information from you. This can include details about their past, like criminal history, diseases, or previous relationships.

If he keeps secrets or withholds crucial information, it’s a warning sign. However, this is not something you can find out on your first date or at the initial stage of getting to know someone.

So, always listen carefully when you engage in conversations, and ask similar questions at different intervals to see if it adds up.

10. Violent or Abusive Behavior

Men who are violent or abusive pose a serious threat. This includes any form of abuse—physical, verbal, emotional, financial, or sexual. If he engages in harmful behavior, it’s a clear sign of danger.

A dangerous man might insult you, hit you, force you to do things you don’t want to do, or control your money. He abuses you to make you feel worthless and scared.

Abuse is not always direct; even acts of intimidation like throwing objects or hitting walls are abusive behaviors.

This kind of intimidation can make you feel threatened even if you are not physically touched.

11. Emotional Predators

Some men are emotional predators. They seek pleasure from hurting others and may have traits of psychopathy or sociopathy.

If he gets satisfaction from tormenting you, this is a serious red flag.

A dangerous man might be emotionally distant. He may not want to connect deeply or show any real feelings. This can be a sign that he is not interested in a genuine relationship.

12. He Lies to You

A dangerous man will lie about many things. These lies are not just small white lies or occasional half-truths; they are significant, repeated, and damaging.

He lies about where he was, who he was with, what he was doing, and why he did it. His lies are meant to cover up his mistakes, flaws, or secrets and to manipulate your perception of reality.

This behavior is not just about deception—it’s about control. By making you doubt your sense of truth, he gains power over you.

He does not value honesty or trust because his primary focus is on protecting his interests, not on maintaining a healthy relationship.

13. Recognize the Subtle Warning Signs

Dangerous individuals often reveal their true nature early on, even if it’s in subtle ways.

Pay attention to phrases like, “I don’t have feelings,” or casual mentions of violence or aggression, even if it seems like a joke.

Frequent use of violent language, such as saying, “I kicked that lasagna’s butt,” or exaggerations like, “It’s costing me an arm and a leg,” can be red flags.

Such expressions can indicate a propensity for violent thoughts or a normalization of aggression.

14. Cringe Jokes

Another red flag is when someone often uses language that equates love with violence, like saying, “Can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip” or making jokes about physical harm.

People who equate love with violence may think a lot about violence and could potentially act on these thoughts.

If someone you’re with frequently expresses anger or uses violent language, even in jest, it’s worth taking a step back and assessing whether this behavior feels safe to you.

15. Intimidation and Manipulation

If your partner throws things, hits objects, or has loud fits when upset, this behavior is also abusive. It’s called intimidation, and it’s meant to make you feel threatened or on edge.

In many places, such actions can be considered assault, even without direct physical harm. Intimidation is just another tool in the abuser’s arsenal to maintain control and power over you.

16. Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Emotional abuse can be particularly insidious because it’s often harder to recognize.

This is something you can notice once you get to know him deeply.

It might include verbal abuse, gaslighting (making you doubt your perception of reality), or isolating you from friends and family.

Other forms of control include limiting your access to money, monitoring your activities, or criticizing your choices in clothing, food, or reading material.

They may act entitled, make all the decisions, and contribute nothing, all while punishing you with silent treatment or humiliating you in front of others.

Abusers often minimize or deny their behavior, making it even harder for you to recognize that what you’re experiencing is abuse.

They may also turn nasty, become jealous, or try to control every aspect of your life, from what you wear to who you see.

17. When It Doesn’t Feel Safe, It Isn’t Safe

A healthy relationship should feel secure and supportive, not like a constant battle for survival or a test of your worth.

If your partner’s behavior makes you question your value, sanity, or safety, it’s a clear sign that the relationship is unhealthy.

Remember, you deserve to feel safe and valued in your relationship, and recognizing these red flags is the first step towards protecting yourself from further harm.

FAQs

What Are the Signs That a Man Is Irresponsible?

An irresponsible man doesn’t have a clear plan for his life. He doesn’t work hard to build his career or take care of himself. Also, he might rely on others for money instead of managing his income.

He won’t learn important skills to survive on his own and often wastes time. If he doesn’t take care of his hygiene, his home, or his responsibilities to family and friends, these are signs of irresponsibility.

Can You Spot a Dangerous Person From Their Body Language?

It’s not always easy to tell if someone is dangerous just by their body language. Sometimes, a dangerous person can look normal or even friendly.

But if someone seems overly aggressive, hostile, or acts like they’re out of control, it could be a sign they are dangerous. Pay attention to sudden changes in behavior that seem aggressive or threatening.

What Are the Signs That a Man From a Dating Site Might Be Dangerous?

Be cautious if a man doesn’t have a profile picture or hasn’t filled out his profile. Avoid anyone who refuses to meet in public, suggests meeting at their house, or wants to meet very late at night.

If a man only talks about sex or makes you feel uncomfortable, trust your gut and avoid him. Always follow your instincts—if something feels wrong, it probably is.

Which Signals Might Give Away That Your Partner Could Be Dangerous?

Controlling behavior is a big red flag. If your partner tries to track your movements, controls what you wear, or constantly questions where you are, these are signs of danger.

Any form of violence, like hitting or pushing, should never be ignored—it often leads to worse behavior. Trust your feelings and don’t ignore these signs.

What Are Some Danger Signs That a Man Might Hurt You?

Watch for signs like him getting angry over small things or having a bad temper. If you feel like you can’t be yourself around him or if he bullies others, especially women, these are bad signs.

He might find fault in everything you do, try to isolate you from friends and family, or even become violent when upset—like hitting walls or throwing things.

Final Thoughts

It’s important to stay aware of these signs when starting a new relationship.

If you notice any of these dangerous traits, it’s crucial to protect yourself and consider ending the relationship. Your safety and well-being should always come first.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and care. Don’t ignore your instincts; they are there to keep you safe.

If you find yourself in a relationship with a dangerous man, seek help and support from trusted friends or professionals.

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How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before Getting Too Involved